


But I had a date

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Bucky Barnes Feels, First Kiss, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, this fic now has a happy sequel see notes, this started out as fluff and idk what went wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 07:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4738526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was thinkin' I'd make it up to you when this is all over."<br/>"Yeah?"<br/>"Wherever you wanna go," Bucky leaned forward and rested his arms on the bar counter.<br/>In the shadowed dusty bar he could almost swear he'd saw Steve blush.<br/>He leaned over with a wink - "We could always go dancin'."</p>
            </blockquote>





	But I had a date

**Author's Note:**

> the happy sequel (post WS) can be found HERE http://archiveofourown.org/works/4744562

Bucky wrapped a hand around his drink and sighed, staring at a sign in front of the bar that read: _Dance and Social this Saturday, 11pm! bring your own glasses!_ He remembered then the last time he and Steve were supposed to go dancing, how Steve had skipped out at the last minute and he'd been left to entertain the two women even as he left his heart behind at the enlistment center. 

"I was thinking...," he begins and it's hard to think with baby blues staring intensely back at him with head tilted to the side. God he loves this man. More than life itself.

" 'bout what?," Steve continues to stare, unblinking.

" 'member back in '41 when I made you go to that game with me and you complained about the sun and heat the entire time?"  He'd worked overtime and even still came up short on the cash so he'd haggled a man until he'd knocked the price down. The seating was terrible and Steve was miserable but there was nowhere else he'd wanted to be.

"-and it was hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk," Steve finished as he turned away and traced the weathered grooves on the bar.

Bucky laughed and shook his head - that had been a good day. They'd went home right after and sat around in front of fans in nothing but their boxers and sleeveless shirts - he'd caught Steve staring more than once, from the corner of his eye.

"I was thinkin' I'd make it up to you when this is all over."

"Yeah?"

"Wherever you wanna go," Bucky leaned forward and rested his arms on the bar counter.

In the shadowed dusty bar he could almost swear he'd saw Steve blush.

He leaned over with a wink - "We could always go dancin'."

Steve moved to turn his head and Bucky retreated to his seat - it was always a dance with the two of them. One looking away when the other was showing any deep emotion, one leaning in close and the other pulling back before anything could happen, one covering his real feelings with humor and charm while the other turned to irritation and the silent treatment.

"You don't want that, the last time I tried I nearly broke a leg."  Bucky recalled that particular disaster - Steve's date had surprised him by accepting his meager offer to dance - not knowing what she was in for. He'd stepped on her feet at least five times and kept getting the lead wrong because when Bucky had taught him how to dance _he_ had always been the dame while Bucky, the more experienced dancer, was the man. Bucky had skipped out of their double date early so they could go home and he'd played it off as _She didn't deserve you anyhow. We'll find you a good girl who doesn't care if you can't dance._ And if he hand picked bad dates for Steve, it was no matter and Steve didn't have to know.

"You're right, we'll do somethin' else then. What do you have in mind?"

Steve contemplated this for a moment, narrowing his eyes and running a finger along the condensation that gathered on his drink. Bucky couldn't help but follow it with his eyes - those delicate fingers, an artists' hands, gently drawing circles. It nearly calmed his frazzled nerves.

"We're certainly not going to a game," Steve answered.

"Aw I thought you loved baseball games," Bucky teased.

"That would be _you,"_ Steve retorted.

"So dancing and baseball games are off the table then. How 'bout we go back to Coney Island and I'll let you pay me back for The Cyclone?" 

Steve's eyes lit up and for a moment that skinny blonde haired boy with mischief in his eye was back. It made Bucky ache. They could never go back to that simplicity - women were now taking an interest in Steve and it wouldn't be long before he put a ring on a woman's finger - Carter in particular. He would hold onto him for as long as he could and take what he could get.

"Deal," Steve gave him a slow smile - there was something else...a hint of _something._ Bucky told himself it was just wishful thinking.

Bucky nodded and raised his drink up in agreement before tossing it back with a slow burn to the back of his throat. He wanted to ask about Peggy, about the future, about  _their_ future and would they live together when the war was over? Or was he too late?

"That dame sure seemed to like you. You gonna take her up on that dancing offer?" Bucky cringed on the inside _please say no, please say no. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure out how the hell I felt about you and I'm in deep Steve. I'm all in and it's too late._

"I'd hate to step on her toes," Steve countered - he went back to drawing circles in the condensation. 

"Just remember how I taught you and you'll be fine." 

Steve turned to look at him then and  _really_ see him for once. Bucky didn't budge, didn't hide the fear, anger, confusion and hurt in his eyes. Steve would see it - they could always tell what the other was feeling without saying it out loud. 

He looked down and away before answering - "You could come along and help me out."

_I don't know if I can..._

"Maybe."

Steve had that wrinkle in between his eyes - the one that said _I know what you're doing and you're not fooling me._

Bucky kept his eyes averted and ordered another shot. If he kept tossing them back perhaps the hole in his chest would seal over and he could forget that he was losing everything. It hadn't worked out so far.

"We're okay, right?," Steve asked.

Bucky put on what he was hoping to be, a charming smile - "Why wouldn't we be?"

Steve shrugged - "I don't know. I'm still the same you know?"

Bucky swallowed past the knot in his throat and clamped his jaw shut - _I'm not going to break. Not here, not now._ "Yeah you're still a punk."

Steve gave him a half hearted smile - _I'm not buying it, Buck._

"And you're still a jerk." 

Bucky sure felt like one, a real horses ass. He'd spent the majority of the night wishing Steve were back home waiting for him, where it was safe and he didn't have to worry about losing him to...to war or anything ~~anyone~~ else for that matter.

They lapsed into silence with the sound of drunken music in the next room and the bustle of bodies going to and fro. Steve kept his head tucked to his chest as if he were still smaller, shorter while Bucky got lost in the sound of his men singing and the memory of cheap alcohol, bony elbows and the most beautiful blue eyes - they were seventeen then and Bucky wanted nothing more than to give into the buzz in his veins and press his lips against Steve's - to taste the tangy beer on his lips and run his tongue along those full lips. He hadn't of course. That was one of many times he'd denied himself what he really wanted, needed.

 

Bucky broke the silence after a minute or two - "They can't carry a tune for nothin'."

Steve laughed and seem to loosen up - "Neither can you. Never could, that voice could wake the dead."

"Says the person who can't sing worth a lick. But _I_ can hum real good," Bucky retorted with a light smack to Steve's shoulder.

"Alright lets hear it 'cause I don't think you can."

Bucky took a sip of his drink before beginning - "You gotta lean in close 'cause it's loud in here and if word gets around that I actually have some talent...well they'll expect me to join in." He threw a wink that made Steve blush and scoot in closer.

They were shoulder to shoulder now, hunched over the bar counter with heads nearly touching.

Bucky began to softly hum "[I'll Never Smile Again](http://www.metrolyrics.com/ill-never-smile-again-lyrics-frank-sinatra.html)" by Frank Sinatra. It had always been a favorite of Steve's.

"I know that song," Steve whispered and grinned.

"Mmmhmm," Bucky replied before continuing to hum. Steve leaned in - his arm pressing against Bucky's as he cocked his head as if Bucky's humming were the most important thing in the world at that moment.

The lyrics came back to him - bits and pieces

 _For tears would fill my eyes_  
_My heart would realize_  
_That our romance is true_  
_I'll never love again_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_I'll never thrill again_  
_To somebody new_

He was completely mesmerized and he felt that tug in his heart - the one that had never really gone away. The same one that led him straight to Bucky when Hydra captured him - when he'd known in his gut that Bucky wasn't dead. If anyone had asked he wouldn't have been able to explain anymore than  _I can feel it._

Bucky continued to hum and didn't miss the warmth of Steve's body next to his own and the smell of him - of home. He was putting himself out there in a way that only Steve would notice because he never missed the fine details of anything. He had a knack for memorizing random facts, maps, body language, the location of the nearest bathroom (to clean up cuts and scrapes from yet another fight). Bucky, in turn, had every lyric of this song and only this song memorized and if he wanted to he could sing them out loud - low and warm in Steve's ear so that he'd never second guess how he felt about him. Still they were surrounded by fellow soldiers - men who might find it odd and report back to base thus causing them both their military careers. It wasn't worth it.

"I know those words - that's my favorite song," Steve murmured and his voice sounded softer, lower.

"Knew you would," Bucky finished humming the ending and reluctantly moved further away. 

Steve looked at him as if he were seeing him for the very first time - dark brown fringe falling over his forehead, glassy blue eyes that nearly looked brown in the lamplight, pink cupid's bow lips and his uniform - hastily pulled on with the top three buttons undone. He was a beautiful mess. They would go dancing, he decided. When this was all over he'd put on a record and he'd let Bucky lead - he wouldn't mind. He'd watch as his eyes took on a sleepy expression that he'd saved just for Steve and those hands - deadly when they were gripping a weapon - would delicately lace around his waist as they swayed back and forth. That would be a much better date - all from the privacy of their apartment.

Bucky gave him a crooked grin and lingered before raising his glass to his lips. Steve hadn't realized how long he'd been staring - it was embarrassing.

"It's gettin' late, we should head in - we have an early day tomorrow," Bucky sighed.

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

"It's only midnight and everyone else is up. Or we could...no that's a terrible idea," Steve rambled.

"How am I 'sposed to know if it's a terrible idea or not if you won't share it?"

"It's okay, we'll stay here. You can lend your pretty singin' voice - sounds like they need it," Steve grinned and pointed a thumb toward the other room where the men were drunkenly belting out [Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree with Anyone Else but Me](http://www.metrolyrics.com/dont-sit-under-the-apple-tree-lyrics-andrews-sisters.html).

"I don't think I can top that. Lets go get some fresh air, feels like I haven't saw the stars in a long time," Bucky scooted off of his stool and tucked a few dollars under the glass. Steve followed as he'd done more times than not in their life. He would go where Bucky led - always.

"How 'bout we go back to your tent so we have somewhere to sit? It's pitched pretty close to the woods," Steve suggested.

 

Bucky nodded and they treked to the tent in silence, walking close enough to bump elbows as they always did.

They passed a few soldiers on their way to the bar with eager smiling faces. Bucky seemed to be the exception. He was worn and exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up against Steve underneath of the stars and pretend that they're back home only the stars here were brighter, the night sky more open.

"Here we are," he announced as he pulled back a tent flap for Steve to join him.

"Thought you wanted to see the stars," Steve questioned as he stretched out on Bucky's cot - it was sloppily made and smelled like him. Even the thin pillow already bore his imprint. Steve propped his hands up behind his head and put on his best poker face. He wasn't missing home and the intimately of sharing a bed with Bucky...not at all. He thought about Peggy and felt a pang of guilt - she'd dressed up all pretty with her red lipstick and scarlet red dress hugging her curves. She'd all but made a flashing sign that said she was more than interested and she was stunning yet here he was with Bucky, watching dark eyelashes over baby blues from across the tent. He could have both - Bucky at his side fighting during the day and curling against him at night, Peggy ready with a kiss and a long embrace. As long as he never crossed the line with Bucky it would be just fine.

Bucky skimmed his eyes over Steve before darting them away to look at the ground.

"Can't a fella rest after a walk to his tent? Move over," he ordered as he nudged Steve's arm.

"We can't both fit on this, it's too little," Steve protested but scooted over none the less. Bucky had been through hell in the past week - if this brought him comfort then who was he to deny him?

Bucky got up and pulled the flap closed then burrowed up against Steve - pulling the covers tightly over both of them. The cold seemed to seep into his bones lately. But Steve was warm and solid - safe.

"Are you warm?," Steve asked as he pulled the covers higher against Bucky - it used to be the other way around.

" 'mm now," Bucky mumbled sleepily. The alcohol had kicked in at last and he hadn't felt this relaxed since he'd shipped out. Steve always had that effect on him.

Steve leaned back and studied the curves and planes of Bucky's face - recalled missing every detail the minute he'd shipped out, leaving Steve feeling hollow and cold.

"Can't sleep when you're eyeballin' me," Bucky complained even as he curled against Steve's side.

"You had something on your face is all," Steve lied.

"Well? Is it still there?"

"I don't know, let me check," Steve was treading dangerous ground and he knew it but it wasn't like they hadn't slept in the same bed before, hadn't stolen touches here and there - that's what friends did. They absolutely gazed back with a lazy sensual expression when doing nothing more than sharing the same sofa or hoovering over the others shoulder when he was sketching or reading - right?

Bucky closed his eyes and laid perfectly still as long fingers ghosted over first his cheekbones then the length of his nose and hesitated before drifting across his bottom lip and jerking away -

"I think...think I got it. It was a smudge of dirt and I accidentally smeared it. Can't have you walkin' around looking like you've been rolling around in the dirt."

"You missed a spot," Bucky watched with curiosity through barely open eyes as Steve blushed and faltered before sidetracking the comment -

"That's 'cause you need a bath."

"I'll take one tomorrow - for now you can pick the dirt off of me and I won't complain, just don't wake me up if I fall asleep."

Steve turned on his side, chest pressed against Bucky's ribs as he stared - contemplated running the other way because this was such a bad idea but Bucky was drunk so he might not even remember tomorrow.

"I'm not gettin' any younger here," Bucky teased. He turned the covers down until they rested at his waist and closed his eyes. Steve was up to something. He should get up and walk away - to put a stop to this before anything happened. It would be the logical thing to do and yet...

"Quit your complaining," Steve lectured.

He took a deep breath and released it before turning his attention to Bucky once more. He lightly swept Bucky's bangs back and trailed a finger from the top of his forehead down to his cheek and traced a path along his jaw before hesitating and rubbing a thumb along his bottom lip. Bucky seemed to be breathing harder but he didn't budge, kept his eyes closed and mouth slightly parted when Steve's thumb brushed against it.

"It's right...here...I'll just," Steve murmured as he tugged a tempting bottom lip with his thumb until Bucky's mouth opened more. Before he could stop himself he leaned over and stopped within an inch of Bucky's mouth with his heart pounding in his chest. Bucky lifted his chin and waited -

Steve pulled back at the last minute - what if Bucky didn't want this? _He only needed moral support and here I am taking advantage of him - some friend I am. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Peggy both dropped me._

Bucky looked back at him with surprise, mouth still open in invitation. 

"I shouldn't-," Steve began as he peeled back the covers.

"What if I wanted you to?," Bucky grabbed his wrist and tugged him back down until they were chest to chest. He knew that he should let go - that Steve would have a future with Peggy and a damn good one at that but he'd been through so much, he deserved  _something_ even if Steve had regrets after. _You can't rush in and save a man and nearly die for him without that man getting the wrong idea - that perhaps you could love him back._

Steve's eyes darted from Bucky's eyes down to his lips and back up.

"I-," Steve began. Bucky put a finger to his lips to quiet him. _Not tonight - give me this please. If I die tomorrow Ill at least know that you were mine if even for a minute_. If he pressed any closer he could feel Steve's heart pounding against his own and everything felt right for the first time in his life.

"I just need to do this, just once and you don't...you don't hafta do it back if you don't want to and you can go back to Peggy and I'll be fine. Really I will. I need...just," Bucky stammered. He was smooth as could be when it came to anyone but Steve.

"What are we waiting for?," Steve whispered as he curved a hand around the nape of Bucky's neck.

Bucky had expected resistance, a fight - protest. Not this.

"There's...a dirt smudge right here," he pointed to his lips and Steve smiled.

Steve closed the distance between them but hesitated when Bucky's hot breath mixed with his own - waited for a sign that Bucky didn't actually want this. It did not come. Instead Bucky placed a hand on his face and brought him in until their lips met. Steve pulled back for a second and was met with lazy blue eyes with that sleepy expression that he dreamed of, lips pink from kissing and _Oh God I'm so far gone._ Bucky dragged him back down and parted his lips under Steve's - dipped his tongue against Steve's painfully slow and hot - the faint taste of alcohol and everything that Bucky was all poured out into a passionate kiss. Steve curled his arms under Bucky's back until he rolled him over on top of him and every doubt that he had about it being one sided was gone. Bucky stared down at him with pink cheeks, lips red and a longing expression in his eyes as if everything he'd ever wanted was right there in front of him. Steve wanted to say it - the words were on the tip of his tongue and yet he couldn't. Surely Bucky knew how mad he was over him. How could he not?

"You're thinkin' too much," Bucky mumbled as he loosened Steve's uniform and pressed a wet kiss to the side of his neck.

Steve didn't reply - just wrapped both arms around Bucky's waist and held on tight. He was grateful for the cover of darkness outside so that Bucky couldn't see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. He couldn't stop thinking of how close he'd came to losing him - how he wouldn't survive if anything were to happen to him. His world had revolved around Bucky Barnes since he'd taken his hand and helped him off of the hard concrete then walked him home to his own ma to get bandaged up ("This is Steve ma, you're gonna love him. My ma makes the best peanut butter sandwiches - she'll make you one if you ask and jelly too if you want. Do you like jelly? Ma he wants a peanut butter sandwich with jelly - no we don't have jam. Sorry ma, no jelly.")

" mm not goin' anywhere," Bucky whispered.

Despite his best efforts a tear rolled down Steve's cheek and onto Bucky's face where it was buried in the crook of his neck.

"Steve? You okay? We don't have to...oh God. Please don't cry," he pleaded as he moved to the side and off of Steve.

"It's not that. I'm fine," Steve insisted, irritated at himself for ruining a perfectly good moment.

"You can't - you can't tell me you're not going anywhere. You don't _know_   that."

Bucky sighed and tugged him to his chest in a tight hug. " 'member that promise I made you after your ma died? I meant it. Every word."

He couldn't fathom the idea of ever walking away from Steve Rogers - he'd tried at least twice when he realized - at the age of 15 when the boys in  their class were getting their first girlfriends that he had no interest in anyone else. He'd lasted two days and nearly came crawling back and in those two days Steve had managed to squeeze in three fights. He made a vow then that he'd put his feelings on the back burner and put Steve first. He'd been doing great until tonight.

"Used to be able to tuck you under my arm," Bucky said with a shaky laugh. Steve was bigger than he was now and yet he still managed to fit in his arms perfectly. 

Steve took a deep breath in and then out before leaning up against Bucky and pressing his face into Bucky's neck - inhaling everything that he was and committing it to memory because he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach - that their time together was dwindling.

"We're gonna go dancing," Steve muttered against Bucky's skin.

"Thought you didn't like dancing."

"Didn't say we'd be going _out_ to dance."

Bucky grinned and dislodged Steve - pressed a small kiss to the tip of his nose like he'd did for many years. It was their thing - had been for as long as he could remember, neither were sure who started it but they only did it when they were alone and nothing more. In public they went for a chaste hug though Bucky put his everything into it.

"It's a date."

Steve sniffled and gave Bucky a watery smile before leaning in to finish what they'd started. "I promise I won't cry this time. You can kiss me all you want."

And they had. Sometime after two a.m. they'd fallen asleep by one anothers side, Steve's arm protectively wound around Bucky's waist and Bucky's head on his chest.

 

The next thing Steve remembered was waking up in a world that did not look or smell like he recalled and the game that Bucky had dragged him to that hot sticky Summer day was playing on the radio. It hit him then like a ton of bricks - something was wrong, missing. He felt sick as he tore through walls with his body and was thrust into deafening noise - car horns and bright lights. Strange faces where familiar ones should've been - Gabe, Dernier, Dum Dum, Falsworth, Colonel Phillips, Howard, Peggy and...

Bucky.

Oh God.

He was here and Bucky was gone...it hadn't been a dream.

It was all he could do to utter - "But I had a date..."

He'd crashed into the ice and woken up in hell - it had to be. A world without Bucky Barnes was not a world worth living in. They'd dragged him back to life when he would've preferred death.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry this took a tragic turn and I just...I'm trash. Ugh. I was thinking about how Steve woke up and the first thing he heard was the game. Bucky was the athletic one, not Steve and they were inseparable so it's highly likely that he went to that game with him. Then he says (after associating that scene with Bucky) that he had a date. It could've been with Peggy (dancing) or Bucky (a scene that we don't see but Bucky seems a little more adjusted the next day) or both.


End file.
